OK I Hear You God!

Friends

2011-11-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

God, my heart is aching for a friend in trouble. She came to me today with tears in her eyes and a breaking heart because of the bad news she had received from the doctor. Her spirit is broken and her soul is searching for comfort. And peace. And I'm striving to help her.

I can hold her Lord, I can be your arms around her but I cannot touch her heart - only you can do that. I'm coming to you on my knees God, asking you to reach out to her and make her aware of your presense. May she feel you surrounding her with your love and know your grace and comfort.

Dear God my friend needs you now. Needs you always. Especially now. And I need you too Lord. Fill us both with your love. Please.

Motivation

2011-10-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Lord there are times I just can't get myself motivated.

I don't take my life for granted God, and I'm not a lazy person. So then why are there days when I just feel as though I don't want to do anything? How can I feel so "unmotivated" and not want to do more than write all day, or read a book, or do mostly nothing?

Maybe I just need to channel those feelings, is that it Lord? Should I spend my day reading significant things, delving into the scriptures, looking at books about how I can better serve you or improve my spiritual walk. Perhaps I should make those lazy days into "self-examination" days and spend time meditating on important things. I can pray more, study more, think more.

Maybe the times when I'm feeling the least motivated are the times you want me to sit and do nothing. Maybe you're trying to tell me that its just as important to rest mind and body as it is to accomplish things. Maybe...just maybe you're motivating me to make use of my lack of motivation. Hummmm.....I may be onto something here.

Thank you Lord!

A new day

2011-09-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

The cool fresh air is coming in my windows and September is enveloping me with its glory. Thank you God for the change of seasons!

I love the cooler days and nights of September and I've grown weary of the heat and humidity of August. I welcome the change and look forward to another season with anticipation, planning for the holidays and recharging my batteries. It's been a wonderful summer God and life is good. I am blessed to be enjoying it with renewed enthusiasm and an appreciation for life I never had before. I feel so content just to be here, and just to be alive.

Thank you for bringing me to this place of contentment and joy. And thank you for the beauty of September, Lord. Each day is going to be a really good one!

Grief

2011-07-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Dear God sometimes life seems so unfair! A young person cut down in the prime of their life - 47 years old - vital, alive, talented, beautiful. Why Lord?

There are so many questions in life Lord. Sometimes - like now - they keep me awake at night and I struggle to understand the reasons. But I know we will never understand the reasons and are left to trust and live in faith. We cannot possibly know why and we will never be able to see your plan as long as we are tethered to this earth and our own human minds.

Someday I look forward to having some answers. Some day I look forward to communing with you and knowing that all is well. Sometimes the questions are so hard to get beyond. But I lean on the understanding that you are a loving God and you are in control.

Thank you for that God.

Turmoil

2011-07-02T16:40:00.000-07:00

My head is in turmoil Lord. Not my heart - my heart is content in the knowledge of your love; not my soul - my soul is at peace. But dear God my mind is in a hard place and I long for your touch.

Sometimes life is so hard and we feel so alone in the world. Even knowing your love and concern for us isn't enough because we fear the unknown: our fragile hearts break with pain and our earthly bodies deteriorate with age. We hurt and we ache and we grieve. But we still know the joy of the Lord. It's a dichotomy and a puzzle.

God I pray for a mind at ease with my life on earth and a soul that can continue to know peace in the midst of the storm. The storms are here Lord. I'm looking for shelter - I need to come into port.

Sleepless

2011-05-31T22:16:00.000-07:00

Dear God its after one in the morning and I'm wide awake. My mind is troubled with things you understand Lord and I lay then at your feet because they're too heavy a burden for me to carry. Take it God. Please give me that peace that I've found in your presence so many times before. Allow my mind to rest and let you take over. Dear God I need to sleep.

I feel the enemy at work God. I've lost my armor and I'm too vulnerable. I can't withstand the slings and arrows alone. I will not survive.

Thank you God for the promise of your presence. I know you are here even when I cannot feel you. I am ready to rest in you. Please let me rest in you.

Rain

2011-05-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

The rain is falling softly this morning Lord and it reminds me of the way you speak to me in the quiet hours: no shouting, no pleading, just a gentle, soft voice telling me what I need to hear. I love to listen to you Lord and I welcome your voice. Sometimes I know I'm too distracted to stop and listen.

This rain is so quiet as it waters the ground, bringing life and color to the world around me. So your voice brings life and color to my life - if I listen, if I respond, and I know I'll be better for it. I may need to change the way I'm doing something, or the way I'm treating someone. Or perhaps I need to change the direction in my life or in my thoughts. I may be forgetting something that I should remember. Whatever it is God, I'm grateful for your reminders.

I ask God that you never stop speaking to me, even though sometimes it seems as though I'm not listening. Just as this soft, quiet, gentle rain is working miracles, so are miracles done in my life everytime I bother to listen. Thank you for never giving up on me.

Spring again

2011-05-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

Oh God how amazing is the Spring! Every year it renews my wonder when I see the bulbs coming up and flowering, the trees budding and bursting forth, and the grass greening up every day. It's such a perfect showing of renewal and hope, of joy and wonder, of new life appearing in every direction.

Your world is glorious Lord. Thank you for making it the beautiful place that it is. And thank you for the blessing we find in the seasons, each following the other, one more wondrous than the other. Our hearts rise upwards with gratitude and we luxuriate in your grace.

Rejoice!

2011-03-03T06:18:00.001-08:00

Dear God I am rejoicing in your creation and enjoying the world! The sun is shining, the birds have begun to sing in the morning once again, and the air is teasing us with the promise of Spring. Change is in the air and its invigorating, it makes us smile, and it gives us something to look forward to.

Your world is so full of promise Lord and we are grateful for that. We look forward to the seasons, to the gifts of the ground and the beautiful blue sky, the stars in the night and the light of a full mooon - there is so much to celebrate! And now, as spring approaches once again, we glory in your wonderful world as we see it come back to life, green grass ready to grow, flowers bursting to bud, trees nearly ready to pop open - its a show for the ages and we get to watch it over and over again, year in and year out, each time with a renewed enthusiasm and joy.

Thank you God for your perfect world.

2011

2011-01-02T14:40:00.000-08:00

Dear God, another year is here. I have a brand new calendar, with so many blank pages, ready to be filled with the appointments, the work, the birthdays, the celebrations, and all the other things that make up our daily lives. I will write times and places on those pages, and names and lists and smiley faces as I plan my days and weeks and months for the year. I love the blank pages on a new calendar because it feels as though I have a blank slate to draw on and everything is new - full of promise. A life to be lived.

Thank you God for this new year. Thank you for the chance to start fresh, to make new memories and turn in new directions. Thank you for another chance to make a difference in the world. God give me the wisdom to know how to fill those days and how to keep my priorities in order. And Lord, thank you for this life of mine. May it not be an empty one - but one that is honoring to you.

Dear God, another year is here. As those pages quickly fill, may they be covered with life.

Nights

2010-12-13T04:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord another sleepless night is behind me.

Why is it Lord that although I have given my life to you and trust you to do with it what you will, I still agonize over my future? How can I give lip service to abiding in your love and having peace in the midst of the storms and still feel the stress of the unknown? Why can I not rest in you fully and sleep with the peace that passes all understanding?

Forgive me God for the times I cannot turn my burdens over to you and rest easy. Forgive me for my human nature and the fact that I cannot turn it aside. Forgive me for my stress and worry.

And God, may tonight be a better night. May I sleep in the peace and comfort of your arms. And may I let go of the things that prey on my heart and undermine my spirit. Make your presence so real to me that it's palpable, that I can feel it - and not forget it. Ever.

Gratitude

2010-11-24T14:22:00.000-08:00

In this, the season of gratitude, Lord I am especially thankful.

For the people I love, for a year of good health, for a home and family, I'm thankful. For the confidence I have that you are walking along with me every step of the way in my life, I'm thankful. For your love and acceptance, no matter how unlovable I am Lord, I'm thankful.

Dear God I am thankful for so many things that they are too numerous to mention. My heart is full of gratitude and for all my many blessings, for my life, and for your love, I thank you. Because all things come from you.

Walking

2010-11-11T07:21:00.001-08:00

I walked two miles at dawn this morning God. I saw your beautiful earth waking from its slumber and the start of a new day. I walked fast, and I could feel my muscles tire, my lungs gasping for air, and my feet wanting to rest. I was grateful for the pain and I rejoiced in that walk, God. Because a year ago it would not have been possible.

God I'm so grateful for my life. I thank you for this past year and all that I've learned in it. I'm so full of appreciation for every single day, for every single step, for the ability to push my body to its absolute limits and feel it burn with exhaustion. I came home from my morning walk and sat in my living room, praising you for the gift that is my life. And asking forgiveness for the years I took it all for granted: my life, my health, my many blessings.

Thank you Lord for all of it. Thank you for the fatigue of a long, busy day and the ache of well used muscles. Thank you for this flawed, unattractive body that I have never loved. Forgive me for that! And Lord may I use this body now for your glory - every day, in every way. Forgive me when I don't feed it properly or exercise it to keep it in the best shape possible.

And Lord, may I never take for granted a day when I can walk quickly for two miles and wear myself out. It's a wonderful thing!

Mysteries

2010-10-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

Dear God, your ways are mysterious to me and I don't understand them. I think I have things figured out, that my life makes sense, that everything is falling into place, and then it all falls apart. I feel as though I'm finally getting my act together and the curtain rises unexpectedly, catching me unprepared. Life is such a strange experience - exhilarating one minute and confusing the next.

I'm glad that you're in charge Lord, because I don't know which way to turn most of the time. I need your wisdom because on my own I am unable to make decisions and can't find my way through the maze. Thank you for walking with me and helping me find my way. When I lie awake in the early morning hours, unable to sleep because my mind is so full or angst and worry, thank you for reminding me that although I may be confused and unsure of my way, you are not.

Because your mysterious ways are unknown to me, but they are my comfort.

Discord

2010-10-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

Oh God, how your children must grieve you! How sad that your people cannot work together in peace, but allow the enemy to use them to tear your church apart, to demoralize their brothers and sisters, and to stand in the way of your work. How your children must grieve you.

Lord save us from ourselves. Show us your way and help us overcome the enemy, working together to move forward with your message of love. Help us to reflect you to the world and reach out to those who need you.

Oh God please help us to overcome the challenges of dealing with our people.

Oh God, how your children must grieve you!

Good day

2010-10-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

Today it's so good to be alive, God. It's a beautiful day and life is good.

But I'm especially grateful, Lord, that every day is a good day to be alive. Because every day has become a gift to me after so many years of taking them for granted. Every day I can get out of bed and make a contribution to the wold makes me thankful. I will never again fail to see how lucky I am to be alive.

When it rains I'm grateful for the gift of water for the earth. When it snows I'll look out over the beautiful winter blanket and think about how beneath it all are the roots of sleeping plants preparing for the earth to warm up. And I'll be grateful for a day to sit inside and enjoy the comfort of a warm house. When the spring awakens the crocuses and daffodils I'll rejoice in the beauty coming out of the ground. And when the sun is so warm we need to escape it, I'll be thanking you for the joy of living near the ocean. I've learned to find the blessing is everything and I thank you for that Lord.

Today it's a good day to be alive, Lord.

This amazing body

2010-09-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Lord how amazing is this creation of yours, this human body of mine? How incredible that I can have surgery one day and then watch in wonder as this body heals itself, slowly mending cells and stitching itself together, skin becoming strong and secure and muscles gaining power and bulk as time goes by. How blessed are we that we can be in bed one day, feeling as though we will never be well again, and only a few days later feel the touch of your hand as we heal, and find ourselves able to move freely, rejoicing in the miracle of life.

How amazing is this creation of yours God - this frail, sturdy, weak, strong, flawed, perfect body of mine.

Tired of the grind...

2010-08-25T04:41:00.000-07:00

God I'm tired of the grind of my "new" life. I'm so grateful to be feeling good and know I'm doing well, but Lord - I'm weary of doctor's offices and medical tests and all that goes along with this new life. I'm tired of the hours spent in my car, of the hours spent in waiting rooms, of the wasted time and money spent on tests, of the pain and inconvenience of being stuck with needles and lying in uncomfortable positions in MRI machine - and fighting traffic to get to all those appointments. I just want my old life back Lord.

Forgive me for being impatient and for wanting what I cannot have. I'm not unappreciative of my life God and I'm so grateful for the year I've had. I celebrate my life and I thank you for every day of it. Every day is a gift and I know that. Please keep reminding me Lord, when I sit at the lab having blood work, or lie in a machine being tested - remind me how lucky I am to be there. And I will continue to be grateful.

Overwhelming

2010-08-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

What can I do when life seems overwhelming God? There are days when I'm buried in things to do and I think things could never get harder. There are times when terrible things happen and it all seems insurmountable and sad I want to crawl into my bed and never come out. And I wonder how I'm supposed to cope Lord.

Then I remember that you are the one who will help me overcome. You are the one who is there for me to lean on. You are the only one who can help me put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. And you can also help me do it with joy. Because the joy that comes with your presence can make it possible to go on. And the knowledge of you gives us motivation to move forward. Because there is nothing we can face that you have not been through and there is nothing we will go through alone.

Thank you for helping me get through this day Lord. And thank you for helping me get through this life.

Joy

2010-08-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day, Lord! the sun was shining, the sky was blue and cloudless, and the earth seemed to be singing your praises just as you said it would. It was a wonderful day to be alive and I'm so grateful to be.

God your creation is awesome. Every flower, every ocean wave, every little child shout out your glory. And a day like today, when your hand is visible in every direction, makes me turn my heart to you in praise. I'm so grateful for my life and the blessings that I have. I am overwhelmed by it all.

Thank you Lord for this beautiful day. Thank you for reminding me how blessed we all are to live in this amazing world and partake of your gifts. Thank you for all of it Lord.

Daylight

2010-07-28T04:14:00.000-07:00

It's a new day God and its beautiful. The sun is just coming up over the trees, the air is cool and comfortable, it's quiet in my normally busy neighborhood, and life is good. Because it's a new day and it's beautiful.

Thank you God for this past year-and-a-half and the way it's changed my life. I've such a new appreciation for the blessings I have and for the life I've been given. I'm so grateful for every little thing that makes life special - the laugh of a child, the warm smile of a friend, the touch of a loved one, and beautiful mornings. I approach each day with a positive attitude because I know how lucky I am to be healthy and feel good. It's as though I've been re-born physically, and I'm so grateful.

Dear Lord let me fully enjoy this day! Allow me to take the negative things that may be part of it and learn from them. Enable me to live with enthusiasm and not just sleep-walk my life away. Help me to be a better person and to make my life as much a gift to others as it is to me. May I give my all to you every moment and may I do your will with love. And most of all, Lord, make me truly grateful for every day because every day is beautiful.

There are days

2010-07-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

Oh there are days Lord. Oh there surely are days.

Some days, like today for instance, nothing seems to go quite right. I make the wrong choices, I say the wrong things, and everything I try to do goes wrong. I don't know why it happens and I can't predict it, but it seems to happen on the heels of a really good day, when everything goes right and good things are accomplished. Is there a connection God? Does the enemy see things going well and zero in on your child so there are roadblocks and things just don't go as smoothly as possible? I wonder about that. I also wonder if it's my own fault because when things are going well I tend not to depend so heavily on you. and yet you want us to always lean on you and always seek your guidance. Forgive me for ever depending on my own strength or wisdom, for I will always fall short.

There are days like this Lord and I learn from them. May there always be days like this.

Summer days

2010-07-17T05:19:00.000-07:00

God I hear you in the summer days. I hear your voice in the songs of the birds in the morning, I see your hand in the sight of the fireflies in the evening, and everywhere I am reminded of what a wonderful gift the world is. Seeing what surrounds us, experiencing life, and not recognizing your hands at work would be like eating a gourmet meal at a fine restaurant and wondering whether there was a chef involved. I cannot question your presence because it's everywhere, all around me. And it's glorious!

Thank you Lord for your beautiful creation. Thank you for the blessings of this world, for the special places we enjoy and for the people who make our lives rich and full of love.

Surrounded

2010-07-07T04:14:00.000-07:00

I am loving this time of the year, Lord, when we are living outside and spending lots of time together - I'm surrounded by my family and enjoying life so much. What a difference a year makes!

Last year I was barely able to function as I worked through the process of fighting my disease. I was doing chemotherapy, my iron was so low they had me taking three iron supplements a day, and I felt like a wrung out dish cloth. This year I feel like a new person, with energy and vitality and a true love of life. God I am so grateful!

Nothing gives us an appreciation of life the way a brush with death does. And nothing makes us appreciate feeling good the way feeling lousy does. And I'm grateful for those reminders that things do not always go smoothly here on earth. Sometimes there is heartache and sometimes there is pain. Sometimes we cry out for your presence just to get us through the day. And often times we take the blessings we have for granted.

Lord, more than anything else I ask that I never again take for granted the joy of a normal, healthy day. Please remind me God that it's not always something to be had and that those of us who do are blessed beyond words. I am eternally grateful for your touch on my life.

The Unknown

2010-06-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

There is so much fear in the unknown God. It's the fear that eats away at our confidence and at the peace that you want us to have. And the fear of what could happen or might happen or possibly will happen - well that really is the enemy's tool.

Lord save me from my fear of the unknown. Help me to lean totally on you and not on my own poor strength. Know my heart, Lord, and bolster my faith when it's weak and I'm feeling vulnerable and alone. I'm yours Lord - help me to act like it. I trust in you God - help me to hang on to that trust. I now your promises - may I never forget them.

Help me to conquer my fear of the unknown God. It's such a hard thing to do.

Bathed in prayer

2010-06-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

I had a challenge today Lord and I knew that the whole while I was being bathed in prayer. I knew my family was praying for me, and my friends, and my church family. And Lord, I felt those prayers as they rose heavenward. I could literally feel you holding me in your arms and comforting me. I could hear you whispering in my ear, comforting me, reassuring me, encouraging me. I knew you were right there with me and I knew that the prayers of so many people were accompanying me.

Dear God thank you for answered prayer. Thank you for being so real and so near that your presence can be palpable. Thank you for never leaving us or forsaking us. And thank you for your love.

Another day

2010-06-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

I'm so full of gratitude today God. I'm grateful for your faithfulness in good times and in bad. I'm grateful for the way the sun comes up, regardless of what's happening in our lives, and the world continues to go forward despite our difficulties. I'm grateful for the message that we are a very small part of the puzzle of life - but that you are always, infinitely in charge of it all.

Thank you for the confidence I have in your love. Thank you that when I worry about my children, or my grandchildren, or any of the people I love so dearly, you gently remind me that you love them even more. Thank you for making sure I feel your hand on my shoulder when I am discouraged and for sensing your presence when I am feeling most alone.

God I am humbled by your love and inspired by your grace. Thank you for another day.

Beautiful Day

2010-06-18T05:16:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful day Lord and it almost seems as though all of nature is raising its hands to you in praise. The sun is shining and the sky is a beautiful shade of blue. The birds are singing a song that must make you smile. The flowers are more beautiful that I can imagine. Nature looks toward the heavens and sends its love upward. And so do I.

Thank you for this beautiful day God.

So grateful

2010-06-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

God I'm so grateful for the simplest things in life: a beautiful day, enough money to buy something special at the store, my house, my garden - it really is true that the best things are not always the most expensive - or the hardest to achieve. Sometimes they're the things we tend to overlook or barely take notice of. And yet these are the things that make our lives so rich and satisfying.

Today Lord I am praising you for the simple, beautiful things in my life. Thank you for my family and the joy they bring me. Thank you for a reliable car to drive . Thank you for food on my table and clothes on my back. Thank you for flowers in my yard and shade under my trees. Thank you for the simple knowledge that every day is a special gift and not to be taken for granted. Thank you, God, for my life.

Calm

2010-06-11T11:42:00.001-07:00

A wonderful calm has settled over me God. It's so amazing to me how one day I can be so unsettled and my mind can be such a jumble of confusion and fear, and the next I am totally at peace within your loving arms. Thank you for that Lord. Thank you for the fact that you always come through and never disappoint.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring God, but I do know that whatever it is, we'll walk through it together. I'm blessed by your love and surrounded by people who care. What is there to fear? Oh I know I'll find something Lord, because that's what we humans do. No matter how many times we experience your love or feel your presence, we still worry that the next time we need it won't be there. We are people of doubt Lord. We are people of small faith. But you are a big God and you are ready to fill us when we need to be filled. Tomorrow will bring yet another reason for me to be agitated and fearful. But you'll be there waiting. This I know.

Thank you for this calm day.

Oh Lord

2010-06-09T04:32:00.001-07:00

Sometimes Lord I long for your closeness but I don't feel it. I know you're there for me and I know you want to give me that touch....but it doesn't seem to be coming. What am I doing wrong? Am I somehow putting a wall between us? Am I simply not being receptive to your desire to be with me? What am I doing wrong Lord?

Please God - touch me. Please let me feel your loving arms around me and help me get through another day with your peace in my heart. Take my burdens, just as you promised you would. Help my mind to be calm and my soul to be still. I need you so much right now and this is not the time to feel this distance. Please help me break through the darkness and know your presence.

I want to hear from you God. Please speak to me.

Thank you

2010-06-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

Thank you God. Thank you for the words I needed to hear in church this morning. Thank you for the scripture and the sermon and the music which seemed chosen for me alone. Thank you for the things which spoke to my heart, for the comfort I found in the message, and for the reassurance that you are with me, you are enveloping me, and you are loving me.....always.

It's so easy, Lord, to feel alone and frightened. But its also such a simple things to allow you to fill us with your spirit and give us your peace. So why is that so hard sometimes? It's one of the mysteries of faith God. But it's also one of the great truths that we can fully depend on you. And you will not disappoint.

Why is it that no matter how many times I learn that lesson it seems to need re-learning for the next crisis. We humans are complicated creatures. But your love is simple. Thank you God.

Schedules

2010-06-02T06:48:00.001-07:00

I want to give you my schedule Lord. I want you to look it over, sort it out, and tell me what I must do and what I should let go. I need you to help me prioritize and get through my days with less stress and more joy. I need you to help me with my commitments and show me what I need to to let go.

Dear God life is such a challenge sometimes! I know you never promised us an easy road and I know that challenges help us focus and make us think. But Lord sometimes that's so hard! If I could just hand you my calendar so you could mark it for me: "important", "not important", "keep", "let go" - well that would simplify my life God.

I supposed you would say that I wouldn't be learning anything then. I know you want me to make these decisions on my own with the wisdom of your teachings in mind. I know you want me to be in charge. But I'm tired Lord and sometimes the decisions are really difficult to make. I don't like to say "no" and I don't like to disappoint people.

And I don't like to disappoint you. OK I hear you Lord. I'll go back and look at my calendar again and make more room for you too.

One of those days

2010-05-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Oh - this was one of those days God! One of those trying days where everything goes wrong and you wonder what you did to deserve it all. The septic system is backed up, the carpenter didn't show up again, the traffic was horrendous, money ran short for groceries...well....you get the idea.

There are days like this, Lord. There are days when I just want to throw up my hands and cry to the sky "Why?"

But then, well, I stop long enough to remember that I have a septic system to go bad. There are others in the world who don't even have a roof over their heads at night. And I think about the fact that I have a car to drive so a little traffic shouldn't be such an annoyance. And I seem to have enough food that I need to lose weight so being short a week isn't going to hurt anyone. For every point there is a counterpoint. For every negative, a positive.

Tomorrow is another day God. And it will bring challenges of its own. And also blessings.

So tired

2010-05-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired God. It's been a long day and my back aches, my feet hurt, and my head is swimming. I've put in a long day, I've worked hard, and I need to just chill.

Dear Lord thank you for days like this. Thank you for good health and a busy life, for being alive and knowing how blessed I am. Thank you for days like this when my aching body reminds me of how important it is to keep getting up at 5:30 in the morning to go to the gym, and for making sure I fuel my body with the right food and drink. Thank you for allowing me a glimpse of life without a strong body, so I can fully appreciate the difference.

I'm so tired God. And I'm so happy to be tired.

After the rain

2010-05-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

It's the day after the rain and God, it's beautiful! The world looks freshly washed and the air is crisp and cool and the rain has made me feel invigorated. I want to get out into the world and do things. I want to enjoy life to its fullest. I want to feel the warmth of the sun and walk in the green grass and feel alive.

Alive, God. What a glorious way to feel. How wonderful to feel good and want to do things. What a blessing it is to be able to make the most of every day. I am beyond blessed, God, and I'm so grateful.

Yesterday it rained but today the sun is shining. Thank you for reminding us that if we are patient, the sun comes out and warms us up again. And if life sometimes brings us rain, it's because it's all part of the deal. Rain and sun, snow and wind, flowers and trees, love and blessings: I've known them all, God, and I'm grateful for each of them. Only through the tough times do we learn to appreciate the amazingly special ones.

Danger zone

2010-05-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

Dear God why is it that despite your many warnings to us in scripture, I still seem to open my mouth and put my foot in it on a regular basis? Why is that I can't seem to manage to keep this mouth shut more often and then keep my thoughts to myself rather than feel the need to share them with others? And why, oh why, do I have such a knack for annoying people when I'm trying to help? I think I'm doing something good - and it turns out to be bad. Oh God, sometimes I'm such a dunce!

God I know you want to inhabit me in every way. I know you want to control my thoughts, my tongue, my actions, my everything. Help me to stop and think before I express my feelings or offer an opinion. Help me to allow you to inhabit my being and take control. And help me to just be silent when silence is what is needed. Help me to realize that not saying anything at all can sometimes help accomplish your will and that sitting back and not doing anything can actually be a good thing. Because no action is better than the wrong action. And nothing said is better than the wrong thing.

Most of all God, fill me with your spirit, that my words might be your words and my thoughts your thoughts. Empty "me" and fill me with "you". Oh God - save me from myself!

Life

2010-05-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

Well God once again I am scratching my head at life. There are just so many things that I don't understand. So many injustices, so many mysteries, so many conundrums - I can only put my trust in you because I have no trust in anything else.

Life can be exhilarating, puzzling, joyous, wonderful...and a complete mess. It can also be satisfying, comforting, difficult, and unmanageable. It's something new each day and never the same twice. Sometimes its the gift I want to give back and others its the gift that keeps on giving. And God, I need you every day to take me through it. Thank you God for my life.

Sun

2010-04-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

The sun is so bright this morning that it hurts my eyes. It's coming in the windows across from where I'm sitting and I'm trying hard to resist the urge to go close the shades. Because I'm loving the warmth and the light and I don't want to block it off. Better to change my seat.

God, I love the sun when we've had days and days of rain. It's like your promise to Noah, reminding us that the sun will indeed always follow the rain, and bring smiles to every one's face. And at this time of the year, when the heat has been turned off but the temperature is still chilly in the mornings, it can warm me right up if I go sit in it, steaming into the windows. It's comfort and its assuring.

Thank you for the world you've given us God. It's truly a wonderful creation and an expression of your love. I'm going outside to enjoy the sun today.

Quiet

2010-04-25T13:17:00.001-07:00

God its so quiet here right now. Sometimes the quiet scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable and alone and it makes me confront your voice. I cannot escape the thoughts in my head and I'm not distracted by anything at all. I'm alone with you and that can be frightening. Because even though I believe you inhabit my being and know my thoughts, being face to face with that reality isn't easy. I want to hide from you sometimes and truly be by myself.

God...its so quiet here right now. What is it that you want to say?

Days

2010-04-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a long and busy day Lord, and its not over yet. I still have a meeting and then a class to attend - and I don't want to go to either. I want to put my feet up and curl into a ball on my couch and just rest, Lord, because I'm weary and worn.

I know, Lord. I hear you telling me to stop and remember: remember how I felt one year ago and how I longed to feel well enough to be able to have a busy day. And remember how hard it was to get up off the couch and how little I left the house and how sad that was. Forgive me, Lord, for not celebrating life by gladly getting up and doing the things I need to do. Forgive me for allowing a long and busy day to overshadow the gratitude I have for my life and the fact that I am healthy and I feel good.

Remind me, God, that when I pray for something I need to embrace all that goes with it! And forgive me when I don't.

Old hymns

2010-04-18T15:16:00.001-07:00

We sang old hymns in church today God and I was so grateful. I felt as though I'd been touched by your hand as I let my voice carry those wonderful words toward heaven and my mind was free to worship amidst the glory of the music.

Don't get me wrong, Lord. I do enjoy contemporary music and I like the challenge of a new hymn or praise song occasionally. But God, when I can sing one of the old familiar hymns, when the words and music are so well known to me that I don't have to even look at the hymnal but can let my voice soar and my heart smile with the blessing of it, I feel especially content. Today all the songs we sang at church were ones I know like I know the back of my hand. And I closed my eyes and immersed myself in each one like I was in the presence of a dear old friend who would envelope me in their arms and remind me of where I've been and how far I've come.

We sang old hymns in church today God and I was so grateful.

Spring

2010-04-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

My world is awash in the beauty of the springtime God - and Its glorious. In every direction I see signs of new life, and the wonder of it all is breathtaking. I'm in awe of the trees and bushes as they suddenly go from being brown, lifeless skeletons to lovely sculptures punctuated by pink, lavender, and white. This is an amazing world God. And it's a wonderful gift to your people.

Thank you God for speaking to me through your still, small voice in the winter. Thank you for speaking to me with shouts of color and life in the spring. I listen for your voice and I hear it in all its various forms. And spring is so full of your voice that I can barely hear anything else.

Easter gratitude

2010-04-01T06:56:00.000-07:00

I remember many years ago when we celebrated the first Easter after the death of a good friend's child. Suddenly the promise of life that Easter brings had meaning I had never grasped before.

I remember just a few years ago when my mother died and I celebrated the first Easter since her death. Tears ran down my face as I lifted it to God in gratitude for the gift of eternal life.

I remember last year when I was recovering from surgery and grateful for my life on earth and I celebrated Easter with a new appreciation for God's grace and provision.

Again I celebrate Easter and again God I thank you for your Easter promise. I thank you for your glorious resurrection and what it means to us who struggle here on earth. And I thank you for reminding us every year, as Easter once again brings hope and joy into our hearts, that you have made us an Easter people. Thank you for loving us.

Blessings

2010-03-17T05:58:00.001-07:00

When I watch my grandchildren playing in my living room I realize I am beyond blessed. When I visit the doctor and he says I am doing well I know I have been touched by your hand. When I look around my world and see what a glorious place it is I am filled with gratitude.

Dear God may I never be so caught up in the things of life that I fail to see the what makes it so special. Please help me to be cognizant of the awesome world around me, of the things my life is filled with, and with the gift that life is. God, I'm so grateful for every good gift, and I'm patient when things are not going well because I know there are lessons to be learned and I'll be a better person for them. Thank you for teaching me the truth of your love.

God thank you. I am blessed and I am grateful.

Search me O God

2010-02-19T05:59:00.000-08:00

The Lenten reading was Psalm 139 - one of my favorites. I've already highlighted most of the verses in my Bible. It reminds me that you know everything about me God, and that nothing I do surprises you. I'm so grateful for that familiarity Lord. I so need you to know my mind and my spirit.

I wish I were more perfect God. I wish I had your eyes and your mind and your spirit. I struggle to get through my days with your will in mind. But God, you already know that, don't you?

Thank you for knowing my heart God. Thank you for the intimate knowledge you have of my being. And most of all, thank you thank you for loving me anyway.

Snow

2010-02-10T05:25:00.000-08:00

The snow is beautiful God. And it always, always makes me praise you. Because it's like watching an artist create a beautiful painting, a little touch here, a bit more there - I'm watching you highlight the perfection of your creation and cause us all to gasp in awe of it. I'm astouded by your glory.

As the snow falls it's difficult to take my eyes off it and get anything done. I spend a good deal of my time looking out the window. Because I feel closer to you and get the sense that I'm participating in a miracle. I may be only an observer, but I'm totally encompassed by it all.

Thank you God for the snow. And for the incredible world you've given us.

Longing

2010-01-13T04:56:00.001-08:00

Dear Lord, there are times I just long so for your peace. I know its there waiting for me and I'm reaching out to grasp it...yet it seems to be eluding me right now. My mind goes places I want to avoid and the enemy surrounds me on every side. I read the Pslams and I know how David felt! It's discouraging and annoying and I want it to end.

Please send me your peace God. I covet it. I need it. I cry for it. And you have promised it.

Calm my restless spirit and ease my mind. Remind me that I have nothing to fear because I am in your hands. Keep me in your presence in a way that's palpable. I'm lonely in my heart because no one else knows what turmoil is there.

Dear Lord, I long for your peace.

Christmas again

2009-12-22T08:56:00.001-08:00

No matter how many years I live the Christmas story will never grow old. It's infused with such wonder and awe that every year I hear it as though it were the first time. A baby, a lost world, a loving God - all the elements that we need to hear in our state of constant unrest. Peace on earth - a goal to be sought and nurtured and needed forever.

May this Christmas be as magical to you as it is to me. And if you don't know yet why its such an amazing story, read it again. From the beginning. Perhaps, like me, you'll understand it anew and appreciate it with a new heart. Because every year its told again...just for you...and just for me.

Merry, merry Christmas. And on earth, peace, goodwill, and love.

Now what!

2009-11-04T04:57:00.000-08:00

OK God, what do I do when I can't hear you? What do I do when your voice seems to be silent and I'm unsure how to handle a situation or which way to turn? Sometimes the dilemmas of life are so overwhelming - and I just can't be sure what you want me to do.

I guess I just have to keep seeking you God. I hope that if I continue to talk to you, continue to read your word, continue to seek guidance from you, that eventually I'll make the right choices and turn in the right directions. If I abide in you and I walk with you, will I know your heart? Will I see with your eyes? I hope that Lord. I pray that. I need that.

I want to do your will God. I want to walk in your path. I want to follow you and please you and sometimes its so hard to know how to do those things. Help me God.

Autumn

2009-10-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

This time of the year is full of wonder God. The trees are shedding their summer beauty for the stark vision of their winter forms. The flowers are soon to be gone completely, and even the latest bloomers will be only a memory. The sun is still shining and we still feel its warmth, but the air is crisper and colder - and we know the long days of darkness are soon upon us.

I love the seasons God. I love watching as your creation continues its dance with the sun and the moon and all the other glorious pieces of your wonderful universe. I praise you for your constancy and your faithfulness, that we can go to sleep at night knowing that the sun will again make its appearance in the morning and life will go on.

Thank you God for the autumn. Thank you for the beauty that surrounds us and reminds us of your love and your perfect plan. Thank you God for life.

October

2009-10-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

It's October God and I glory in your creation every year in October! From the beautiful weather to the sights and sounds of the season, I love this month. I find my days filled with praise as I revel in my surroundings and appreciate my full life.

There are disappointments in life, Lord. Sometimes the days are difficult and long and the nights are even longer. But God, there is also joy in this world and, if we care to see it, beauty everywhere. October is your radiance on earth and a gift to your children. From the smallest yellow gourd to the largest red maple tree a rainbow of color greets us wherever we look. And we see the cycle of life in front of us as the leaves begin to cover the ground and the skies turn grayer and the air colder.

Your world is beautiful God. And October is the peak of its beauty.

Morning church

2009-09-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

I attended church with my daughter's family today. She attends a large modern church, with guitars instead of an organ and many, many members. It's very different from the form of worship I'm accustomed to, but not something I'm opposed to - it's just different. I loved the messages that I came away with and was spiritually blessed during my worship there. And here are the things I brought home with me:

We sang mostly contemporary music with guitars and drums and worship leaders. Most of the songs I was not familiar with, but at the end of the music portion of worship we did an old familiar hymn (which is one of my favorites) and it spoke to me in new ways today. As I sang the words I've sung many times before, I was touched anew at God's compasion toward me during this particularly difficult year:

When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul!

Though Satan should buffet
though trials should come
Let this blest assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, It is well
It is well, it is well with my soul.

The words which especially touched me this morning were from the second verse: That Christ has regarded my helpless estate and hath shed His own blood for my soul

Have I ever felt as helpless as I have this year? Thank you God for regarding my helpless estate! And thank you that I can sing with assurance that "it is well with my soul"!

The other truth I'm committing to memory is something the pastor spoke:

When we are impotent, God is omnipotent!

I thank God for seeing my impotence...and for His omnipotence.

What a glorious morning of worship it's been. God has spoken to me and I'm so grateful for His clear, strong voice.

Joy

2009-09-07T16:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, Lord, my heart is so full of joy I can barely contain it. I want to shout from the rooftops and run through the streets praising your name. I hold myself back for fear of being thought a fool - but I know I'm not. In fact, I think I'm less a fool than I've ever been. Because I know that my joy is in you. I know you are the author of all that is wonderful and precious in life. And I know that without you I would be lost.

Thank you God for the joy you fill my life with. Thank you for the joy of being in your will. And thank you for life and all its many travails and twists and turns. Mostly Lord, thank you for the joy. Thank you for allowing me to know the joy.

Confusion

2009-08-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

God, sometimes in the night hours I cannot sleep. I'm so confused about things in my life and I'm searching so hard for answers that sleep will not come. Peace is elusive. My mind is in turmoil. God, help me find answers to my questions. Help me find the peace you promise. Help me to quiet my anxious mind and totally rest in you.

Life is such a puzzle sometimes. We live with people we don't always understand. We work with people that are sometimes difficult. We worship with people we don't always like very much. There is so much to be confused about when the people you think you know the best are total enigmas to you. And when the people you are told to love can be so unlovable. Life is just hard sometimes. We search for answers that don't always come. And we look for things it might not be possible to have.

But I know you are there for me Lord. I know you love me and I know you want me to have life in all its fullness. Thank you Lord for giving me your promises. I can rest in them until sleep returns.

Challenges

2009-08-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life is such a challenge,Lord. Sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to, or we are stymied by the place we find ourselves, or we just can't seem to move forward the way we want to. Sometimes it's our family members who are suffering and we don't know how to help them. Sometimes our friends need help and we are unable to give them what they need. Sometimes life is just so hard God.

We need you so much. We need your wisdom, your guidance, and your helping hand. We need to know you are with us and we need to feel you walking beside us. We need you God. We need you.

Thank you for promising to be with us when we need you. Help us to reach out to you and to always, always seek your will. Help us not to depend on our own strength, but to covet yours. Help us to live like your children, triumphant and content. Help us, Lord.

Feeling good

2009-08-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

Dear God what a blessing it is to wake in the morning to a new day, feeling good enough to get out of bed and clean my house or bake a cake - whatever the day holds is OK, I'm ready for it! After going through months of medical issues, including surgery and chemotherapy, I am more and more appreciative of the blessing of feeling good.

So many people suffer every day. So many people fight to get up out of bed and get through their morning. God thank you for my health and for my many, many blessings. May I never take them for granted. May WE never take the blessing of feeling good and being productive and active for granted.

Thank you God for such wonderful days.

Praise and thanksgiving

2009-07-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

Dear God how full of gratitude and humility I am at your gracious faithfulness. I stand in awe of the fact that I have completed my treatments, my health is good, my prognosis is excellent - and I feel so good. Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God.

I know how unworthy I am to be the recipient of your grace. I know I can never be the kind of person I want to be. I am imperfect and sinful and I long for your perfection. And yet you have given me a new chance to experience life in its fullness. I am your grateful servant.

And regardless of the outcome of my own medical nightmare, I would feel the same way. Because you have been so close to me these past seven months that I have felt your touch, your spirit, and your constant presence with me every single day, throughout the long and lonely nights, and during those times when I felt there was no one else who really cared. You were always there. I always knew it. And I will never forget it.

Thank you for this time of spiritual and physical transformation. Thank you for your love. And thank you for your abiding grace to me, your undeserving child.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Amen

Independence

2009-07-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

I'm so grateful every year to celebrate the independence of this country and remember how blessed I am to have been born here. It also reminds me every year that through you I have independence of another sort to be grateful for. I'm free from the bondage of this world and enjoy the glorious freedom of a life lived in your favor. Freedom - such a beautiful thing.

In the Psalms I read "I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts" and in II Corinthians "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" and I know that the concept of "freedom" is one that comes from you, for only through you do we find true freedom. In church this morning we sang "America the Beautiful" wich includes a salutation to you as "author of liberty" and I nodded in acclimation!

Thank you Lord, on this weekend when we in this country celebrate our freedom, I can also celebrate the freedom that you have given me.

Counting down

2009-06-30T01:21:00.000-07:00

Three treatments down, one to go. Lord you've been faithfully walking me through my crisis and I've felt your presence with me every step of the way. Thank you for your ever abiding love and presence, and the knowledge that you're in control of all that happens in my life. Knowing you're alongside me makes the loneliest hours tolerable - waiting for tests, sitting in the chair getting chemo, not able to sleep at night or in the early hours of the morning, driving back and forth to Southampton with nothing to do but think...and pray. I've enjoyed those times we've spent together because they reinforce to me that you're my best friend. You're the one who's never too busy, never distracted, always available.

Thank you for being there for me. May I always be here for you - ready, willing and able to do whatever you need me to do for you. And dear God forgive me when I'm not.

Beautiful

2009-06-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining and it is finally a beautiful day. Thank you God!

I'm often reminded of the words to an Andrea Crouch song that says "If I never had a problem, I wouldn't know that He could solve them, I wouldn't know what faith in God could do...". It always makes me realize that it truly is the difficult times in life, the rainy days and the sad things, that make us appreciate the good days and the sunny skies. We'd be so complacent if it were always beautiful outside and we'd never appreciate such beautiful days for the wonderful gift they are.

So thank you God for this beautiful day after so many rainy, overcast, miserable ones!

Sleep

2009-06-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

God, tonight I cannot sleep. I watch the clock slowly move forward and I spend my time tossing, and turning. I pray, I meditate, I think about your word and the things that it tells me. I seek your guidance and I ask for sleep. And the hours go by.

What can you teach me in the early hours of the day Lord? What can I be learning in this time when there are no distractions and its just you and me? I want you to use this time to speak to me - I am here listening.

Sometimes your still small voice is just too small and I cannot hear it. But I'm listening Lord. Please God. I'm here, I'm ready, and I'm waiting. Speak to me. Teach me. Abide with me. I want you so much...

Passed

2009-06-04T16:20:00.000-07:00

I knew the feelings of despair and defeat would pass Lord and I knew you were standing right there beside me holding out your hand. And they did... and you were. Dear God how I long for your walk with me every day, no matter how discouraged I become. I look forward to my time with you when we talk about the things that are going so badly and you remind me that you love me and that I cannot always see the big picture. But you can. Thank you God for pulling me through once again. Thank you for allowing me to taste victory and know you are cheering for me.

Thank you that, until the next time I'm at the end of my rope, you're teaching me how to cope when it all happens again. Thank you for that God.

Oh God...

2009-06-01T17:10:00.001-07:00

I'm so tired of this God. I'm tired of the whole thing - the tests, the doctors, the driving, the side-effects. Help me persevere God! I know you can hold me up, help me withstand the hardest parts, and keep me from being discouraged. I'm just not feeling it, Lord! I'm feeling discouraged and I'm feeling tired and I want it to be over now. And I'm also tired of trying to smile and be the person everyone says has such a "great attitude". I'm tired of trying to make everyone else feel better and worrying about them. I just want it all to end.

Help me God. I'm so tired of all this....

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

God, may I never take for granted the hard-won freedoms that we have in this country! Today, on Memorial Day, may I be even more aware and appreciative of the price paid by so many over the centuries to bring us to this place where as a nation we are free to worship, to succeed, to come and go in our homes - so many things we hardly give thought to because we've been so blessed for so long.

God thank you for the blessing of this nation, of this town, of this house I live in. And thank you today for each and every person who gave the ultimate sacrifice on my behalf.

Missed church

2009-05-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

I missed church this morning and I'm feeling lost now. I had no choice, really - illness made me stay inside today. But how I missed the fellowship with your people God!

I've belonged two churches in my life. The first one I attended from the time I was very small and was there for over forty years. The one I attend now is the one I started attending when I had to leave the first one. So my "home" churches have been few! But they've both provided me with a loving, caring church family and friends that mean the world to me.

Interestingly enough, the churches I've belonged to have been very different in their nature and it's taken me some adjustment to feel comfortable in this new body. Truth be told, sometimes I still feel like an outsider, but I think that's my issue, not the church's. For they've been nothing if not welcoming and friendly. I think its a simple matter of attending one church for my entire life and then making a change as a middle-aged woman to a church so different in its "style". It hasn't been an easy adjustment for me. But I love my present church and I enjoy the people as well as the teaching and the fellowship. They're good people and they let me know they care.

I missed church this morning and for the rest of the week I'll feel somewhat incomplete, Lord! Thank you for the blessing of a place to worship that I love!

Here I am

2009-05-18T05:22:00.001-07:00

Once again I sit before your feet God, yearning for your presence. I'm heading into battle and I need to hear from my commander in chief. I need to listen to your words of instruction, to know the strategy, to feel confident in the outcome. I am waiting for the sense of assurance I know will come.

These are unsettling times, God, these times of facing the unknown. But you already know the final scene. You alone are in charge of the movement of your troops and my confidence is in your leadership.

I am ready for battle God. I have taken on the armor you've provided, listened to your words and instructions, and follow you willingly wherever you will take me. Let's get on with it God! Let's raise the battle cry and win this one!

New day

2009-05-13T04:30:00.000-07:00

Lord you've given me a new day. I barely know what to say. I don't deserve grace, and yet you've given it abundantly. I don't deserve mercy yet it's here for me. I don't deserve your love and yet you offer it freely. Once again I'm in awe of who you are.

How is it God that you can be so good to us and yet people still turn away from you? I know that I cannot turn away. I also know that if I did turn away you'd be standing right there, waiting for me to turn once again toward you, knowing that your grace, your mercy, and your love were all that I would ever need in this life. Because it is.

Thank you God for the gift of this day. For the gift of this life. For the gift of you.

Discouragement

2009-05-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

How do I fight discouragement, Lord? Sometimes it seems as though the world is conspiring against me and the forces of evil are overpowering me and I'm so discouraged I can barely pray. Help me Lord!

I'm thinking about your servant Job. How he lost everything - EVERYTHING! He lost his property, his money, his possessions, his family. And yet he refused to curse God. He held his faith and he declared his loyalty. He told his friends that he would never turn from God.''

But I wonder Lord: Did he ever, in his heart, question you? Did he ever get discouraged and wonder why things were happening to him? Did he ever wonder if his faith was misplaced? I think I would feel better if I thought perhaps he had his doubts and his moments of discouragement. Like me.

I want to be like Job, Lord. But sometimes I feel like Thomas, who doubted. Help me Lord. Strengthen my faith. Keep me in your arms and make me aware of your presence. Let me be like Job.

Come, Lord Jesus...

How?

2009-05-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

How can it be, Lord, that I am up so high one day and down so low the next? Why am I so unsteady in this wild and wacky journey I'm on right now?

Yesterday I was feeling so optimistic, so ready to deal with the things that lay ahead. Today I'm feeling as though nothing is going to work out right - that things are not going to go well for me. I am desperate for your touch. Lord. I need to be aware of your presence, which feels distant to me right now. Help me Lord. I know you are there but I cannot see you today. I long for triumph but I feel defeat.

Sometimes it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other to move forward. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel like running again...

Blessed escape

2009-05-03T17:29:00.000-07:00

Lord - thank you for a peaceful, blessed escape from my everyday, crazy schedule.. A short trip out of town, a visit with family, a chance to just "get away from it all" has given me a new perspective and allowed me to feel ready again for the months ahead. Sometimes it's just a break from the action that's all it takes to make us feel invigorated, and armed for the battle. I'm rested and my mind is at peace. I feel I can take on the world now. And all it took was a couple days away from my calendar, away from my telephone, and distracted from the challenges I'm facing. A vacation for a world-weary traveler...

Thank you for such blessings. And thank you for traveling with me...

Limbo

2009-04-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

God, I really hate this time of "limbo" in my life. It reminds me of those years just before I got married when I was trying to figure out where I was going and how my life was going to unfold. I am a person who likes order and structure in my life. I want to look at a calendar and see how the next weeks and months lay out. It gives me the illusion of some control. I hate not knowing what tomorrow is going to bring, even though I can logically say none of us ever knows that. I usually feel as though I know what lies ahead. Right now I feel as though I don't know what the next moment is going to bring - and it makes me feel lost, and afraid.

But I also know that you want us to be totally dependent on you God. I know that sometimes we need to feel helpless in order to be fully yours. And I also know that my feelings of helplessness make me turn to you. And I am content in your care.

Thank you for your constant presence, for your steadfastness, and for your affirming love. I am yours God. And as lost as I may sometimes feel, I know I am not. Because I am always at home in your arms.

He will carry you...

2009-04-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

A song that has meant so much to me lately goes like this:

There is no problem too big, God cannot solve it
There is no mountain too tall, God cannot move it
There is no storm so dark, God cannot calm it
There is no sorrow so deep, He cannot soothe it

If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my brother that He will carry you
If He carried the weight of the world upon His shoulders
I know my sister that He will carry you

It reminds me that there is nothing that God cannot help us get through. And even in the worst possible circumstances, God is with us, walking beside us, carrying us in His arms, or simply waiting for us on the other side.

Thank you Lord for always being there for me. When nothing else works, when all other relationships disappoint, when the world seems cruel and heartless, I turn around and there you are. You never disappoint, you are always true, and I will always need you.

I'm listening

2009-04-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

I'm listening God. I want to learn the lessons you have to teach me through this trial in my life. I'm so grateful for the way you've carried me through these past few months, helping me cope with the difficulties of life. I still need you Lord. I still need to feel your loving arms around me and know that you're walking with me all along the way. I need your presence, I need your peace, and I need your wisdom to be my constant companions. I cannot do this alone.

But you have promised to be with us through every trial in life. You have promised not to let anything happen to us that you cannot help us through. And you've promised that your grace would be sufficient for us, always. Thank you for those promises. Thank you for your grace. And thank you now because I know you are going to be faithful once again, as you always have been in the past. I love you Lord. Thank you for loving me.

Holy Week

2009-04-10T08:37:00.001-07:00

Dear Lord, on this holiest of weeks, when we make the walk to the cross with you once again, may we keep our eyes firmly fixed on the truths of your love. And may we recognize again the sacrifices you made on our behalf. When we near the cross give us your eyes, your heart, your soul. Allow us to see the depth of your care for us. And enable us to feel the pain you felt, to know the heartache of rejection and the darkness of the cross.

Lord, thank you for your love, for your unending sacrifice, and for the life you have given us. Thank you that the darkness of Good Friday is followed by the glory of Easter Sunday. Today is Good Friday. But Sunday's coming! Praise God!

Tough days

2009-04-03T04:49:00.000-07:00

Lord, I knew there were going to be days like this. I knew that there would be hard days, long days, days of struggle. I know that we cannot expect things to always go smoothly. And yet...I become easily discouraged when those days come.

I'm annoyed at my weaknesses. I hate that I get discouraged and fail to always lean on you. And I find myself expecially annoyed that I can't always find the joy in life. I prefer to choose joy. Some days its just harder to find it than others.

Lord keep me in the hollow of your hands. Allow me to work through the long and dreary days when the sun doesn't shine and I feel as though things may never be the same again. Stay close to my side while I struggle with discouragment and defeat. And remind me that tomorrow is another day and the sun will come out again and everything will look better. Because I know that to be true. I just need reminding now and again.

Wondrously made...

2009-03-24T03:14:00.000-07:00

What a peaceful and constant presence you've been to me Lord, during this difficult trial in my life. I've felt your loving arms around me throughout these days just past as I faced physical hardship and the need for your healing power. I was surrounded by your love.

So many times these past days I've recalled the Psalm which talks about how we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and I'm awed by that knowledge. Watching the skill of the surgeons at work is one thing, but also seeing how my body heals on a daily basis is breath-taking. What a gift you've given us - these wonderful, vulnerable, imperfect and yet perfectly incredible vessels for our souls and spirits. I've had a real struggle in my life, learning to appreciate and love my own (especially) imperfect body. And yet suddenly, after this experience - still so new, raw, and continuing to unfold - I'm finding an appreciation for its perfection and a knowledge of what you see, that it brings me to my knees in gratitude.

Lord thank you! For I truly am fearfully and wonderfully made.....

Surrounded by God

2009-03-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

As I enter into the final day before my surgery I can honestly say that I am totally at peace. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not anxious, or that I don't wonder what the next days and weeks will bring! It means that whatever happens to me, now or later, I'm in God's hands, I feel His sweet presence with me, and there's no place I'd rather be. What a wonderful feeling it is to know that He's in control of my life and all that happens in it. I'm not afraid of death or of anything that life can throw in my direction. I'm simply resting in Him.

I'm so grateful for a God that knows the numbers of hairs in my head, who knew me when I was being formed in my mother's womb, and who alone knows the number of my days. As we sing in our Taize service:

Nothing can trouble,
nothing can frighten,
those who know God will never go wanting.

What else is there to say? Praise God!

Death

2009-03-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about death lately. I suppose that's natural since I've been diagnosed with cancer. I've no idea what the future holds for me, really - I could die soon or I could live another twenty years - the Bible tells us that none of us knows the time or the day, and that is surely true. But what I've figured out is this: God doesn't look at death as a horrible thing, an ending, a tragedy. To God, death from this life means our presence with Him. I believe that when we die - the minute we leave this earthly presence - we are in the presence of God. Why would we be afraid of that?

I love my life and I don't have any desire to leave it behind just yet. As humans we are all afraid of the unknown. But I'm not afraid of death and I don't dread it. I don't like to ponder the "process", which can be so hard. And I don't like thinking about leaving the people I love so dearly behind. Of course I would like to see my grandchildren grow up! But death? It holds no terror for me. Because I know that to be in God's presence will be glorious.

"For to live is Christ, but to die is gain..."

Wonderfully made...

2009-03-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord, I am fearfully and wonderfully made - isn't that what the Psalms tell me? And don't they also tell me that you know the numbers of hairs on my head and the way my body was knit together in my mother's womb? Yes - you have assured us so many times that you know everything about us and you care about our lives.

So why am I worried Lord? Why do I wonder what the next weeks will bring when I know that whatever it is, you're in control? Things may happen that I wouldn't choose. I might be in pain, or frightened, or face unbelievable challenges. But you'll be with me every step of the way, throughout it all. And nothing will happen to me that you're not aware of. Whatever the future holds, we'll face it together, you and I. Thank you for that promise.

Let the sun shine in!

2009-03-05T14:49:00.000-08:00

It struck me Tuesday morning. We had endured two days of snow and dark skies and for the most part everything had closed down for a day (on Monday). Then Tuesday morning the sun was shining brightly and the world looked beautiful. It bounced off the snow and made the world look beautiful and clean. A great change from the day before. I thought how wonderful it is that despite the darkest days in our lives, despite the discouraging moments and the sadnesses we encounter, despite all the difficulties we face...the sun eventually comes out. And when it does, everything looks better.

As Christians it's the "son" that serves to remind us that despite the hard things we deal with and the difficulties we face, the son will illuminate the glory of life once we are ready to welcome Him in. So when the shadows come, and they surely will, we just need to remember that tomorrow is another day, and the son will be there for us when it comes - to brighten our world and remind us that He is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Snow

2009-03-02T04:37:00.001-08:00

As the snow falls outside the window and the world is coated in white, my mind turns to you God. I'm amazed at the beauty of your world. I'm overwhelmed by the intricate and exquisite glory of everything I see. What a concept snow is!

Thank you God for your wonderful world. Grant us the grace to never take it for granted. Help us to see things through your eyes and to recognize each miracle for what it is. And help us to be always, obviously, happily grateful. And to appreciate the snow...

New day

2009-02-23T10:52:00.001-08:00

Thank you Lord for this beautiful new day. Thank you that with the rising sun comes optimism and a sense of opportunity. Thank you for the ability we have as humans to bounce back and regain our footing when we stumble and thank you for being there with arms outstretched when we need a hand. You are ever and obviously present in my life. Thank you for caring about me. My heart is filled with praise to you O Lord. My soul sings with thanksgiving.

Saturday

2009-02-21T11:31:00.001-08:00

Oh Lord, its the end of a long week and I am so looking forward to being with your children at worship tomorrow. I really need that wonderful shot of energy that I feel when I'm raising my voice to heaven, singing hymns with a choir of believers who, like me, look to you for their strength and peace - and for the courage to face another week. It's the tonic we all need to sooth our souls and calm our spirits.

Yes, I'm anxious to be at church again - because there's strength and comfort in numbers. Just like the little girl who told her mother that she knew God was with her in the dark, but sometimes she really needed someone with skin on. I know God is with me all week too - but on Sundays I get skin.

Thank you for your body of believers Lord. Thank you for all the skin.

Draw me up Lord

2009-02-18T05:37:00.000-08:00

Our pastor told us that we need to ask God to "draw us up" to Him when we are hurting. What a wonderful concept, that God will draw us up to Himself when our hearts are heavy, when we're hurting physically, when we cannot find peace. Because it's in being close to Him that our peace, our comfort, our contentment will come.

In the early hours of the morning, when I wake with fears and concerns, I'm raising my heart to God and asking Him to draw me up. Draw me up to Him, to His all encompassing, all knowing, all powerful presence. To be enfolded and surrounded, comforted and assured. Draw me up Lord! I want to be totally in your presence.

Click to hear a portion of Pastor Toms sermon:

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Joy in the morning

2009-02-15T14:29:00.000-08:00

Our pastor has been using the Psalms for his messages since the first of the year and every week I'm touched by David's writings. How beautifully he describes the longings and emotions of every human soul. David may have been a man after God's heart but he was also an "everyman" and he speaks for all of us when he cries out to God in supplication. His Psalms run the gamut of every human emotion, from the agony and pain of loss to the intense joy of close fellowship with God.

This week the Pastor focused on Psalm 30, one of my own personal favorites. "Sorrow may last for a night but joy comes in the morning" we are assured. Is there a sweeter promise in scripture?

Regardless of what's happening in our lives, despite the many difficulties we face, we are assured that we will find joy when the morning comes. How comforting to know that God is there for us, throughout the night and into the morning. We can make it through the darkest nights as long as we know the morning is coming.

Music

2009-02-12T07:38:00.001-08:00

Isn't it wonderful how God uses music to touch our souls? During this trying time in my life I find that when all else fails, the music comes. I can pray with hymns. I can praise with my voice. I can sing in my head when I'm in the middle of a medical test and looking for peace. Because music is a way that God speaks to us, just as He did in the Psalms so long ago.

So many songs have been touching me lately that I've lost count. But one that is always close says this:

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
and I know who holds my hand.

And I do.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2009-02-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

This morning at worship we sang one of my favorite hymns, "Great Is Thy Faithfulness". Everytime I sing that song the words touch my heart and bring tears to my eyes, and today was no different. "All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto to me" I sang with all my heart.

As difficult as these past few weeks have been, I've never doubted God's faithfulness to me. I've felt His presence every day and His strength has enabled me to get through the toughest of times. I pray in the car and I pray in the doctor's offices and He never fails to fill me with His peace. My heart may be pounding and I may be afraid, but I am never alone.

"Great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see! All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me."

Presence

2009-02-04T10:10:00.001-08:00

It a wonderful thing to feel God's presence. I can't say I always do - but that's my own fault because I know God is there for me. Sometimes I'm just too preoccupied with life to simply turn around and take the hand that's offered. But - I'm abiding in that presence right now and its a wonderful place to be.

Thank you God for your promise to always be there for us. And thank you for the reality too. Because when I'm smart enough to look for you, you're always right there waiting. And the strong hand you offer to me is all I ever need to get through the day.

Questions

2009-01-31T16:40:00.000-08:00

I saw an advertisement today for a forum where we could go and ask any questions we have about God. I wondered who the expert was that was going to answer the unanswerable! Who can tell me how God's love can be so overpowering and God's joy can be so encompassing that words cannot even describe them? Who can tell me why God cares about me? And who can tell me why God should care about the things that trouble me?

No one knows the answer to those questions, but I know the truth of them. The things we experience, the things we know - those are things no one has to prove to us. But the "hows" and the "whys"? That's the real puzzle about God.

I may never know the answers to those questions but I know this to be true: God loves me, God fills me with peace and joy, and God cares about everything in my life. And that knowledge is what matters.

Sweet peace

2009-01-24T11:26:00.000-08:00

"Peace, peace, sweet peace" - I remember the words of that hymn from when I was younger. I haven't heard it in a very long time, but those words from the chorus come back to me so many times and I feel that exquisite peace roll right over me. It fills me, it covers me, it envelops me.

God thank you for that wonderful, comforting, glorious peace that you send when we need it. Thank you for assuring us, in our most trying hours, that you're with us - that you love us. And thank you for never leaving us without your presense. Your promises are forever and you never forget us.

Peace. Peace. Sweet, sweet peace.

Attention!

2009-01-21T09:13:00.000-08:00

I realize that sometimes you allow hard things in our lives to get our attention, but Lord - enough for right now! This past two-and-a-half years have been really hard at my house and I don't need anymore at the moment. But you do have my attention! I am listening to you God. I want and need to know what you are saying to me. Teach me. Touch me. Hold me. I want to feel the "love that will not let me go" right now. I need you God. I know you are there for me and I know you will always be there for me. But just now, I'm feeling a little lost. Turning over control to anyone else is not easy for me.

But I am listening carefully God!

Optimism

2009-01-18T12:10:00.000-08:00

Lord thank you for times of joy and optimism in a world of trials and stress! Here we are on the verge of inaugurating a new president, which is always a time of excitement and optimism in the country, no matter what your political affiliation. We all hope for the best - we are optimistic people by nature. We expect nothing but good things from our leaders until they disappoint us by being human and therefore flawed. And then of course we wail and carry on about their horrible failings and wonder how we ever trusted them in the first place.

We are complicated people Lord!

Please keep this new president in the palm of your hand and close to your heart. Prick his conscience with the knowledge that he needs you - must seek your wisdom, and desire your grace. Dear Lord, help us all! May our optimism be rewarded...this time...

Snow

2009-01-15T10:06:00.000-08:00

Dear God the snow is beautiful today. What an incredible concept, snow! The flakes are just drifting to the ground, which is covered with a white blanket of cold, and the world looks like something out of a fairy tale.

Sometimes your world just amazes me Lord. Such a wonderful place you've created for us. There's beauty all around us and amazing things to see if only we are willing to open our eyes and look.

When life is hard - which it often is - and I'm feeling a little low, my God, thank you for sending a miracle like the snow.

A new year

2009-01-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

Lord thank you for a new year. I love to open a new calendar and see all those lovely blank pages, ready to be filled with "life"! There is nothing but promise ahead. I feel blessed to have come to another year and I'm overhwelmed with the potential that it brings. Lord help me to make use of it wisely! Help me to prioritize. Help me to use my time carefully, treating it like the gift that it is. And help me to set goals for this year that are reachable and pleasing to you.

Lord thank you for this new year. And please - help me not to waste it!

Whew!

2008-12-28T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well Lord, another Christmas is over! Thank you for helping me to keep things in perspective this year - to not forget what the celebration is all about! Thank you for helping me make this Christmas one of joy and wonder and not stress and anxiety. Thank you for allowing me to rejoice this year after such a sad holiday one short year ago when I was missing my mother so painfully. Lord, you know I still miss her! But you have allowed me to come through to the other side of grief and enjoy so many wonderful memories, whether they make me sad or not. I no longer dread the memories. Now I embrace them.

Most of all Lord - thank you for the gift of the very first Christmas over two thousand years ago. Thank you for a tiny baby that came to earth for me. And thank you for reminding me throughout this past month how important that gift was and is to me.

Busy season

2008-12-12T06:45:00.000-08:00

Lord help me to slow down long enough to think about what the season is all about today. I have so many things to do, so many places to go, so many errands to run - but I want to make sure I never lose sight of what is really important about Christmas while I am busy checking things off my "busy" list.

Lord, give me the peace that only comes from you. As I run my errands and do my cleaning, as I wrap my gifts and plan my menus, I pray for this. And I pray that the trappings of Christmas will never overshadow the real meaning of the celebration: a tiny baby sent to earth to bring us salvation, to teach us love, to show us grace.

Thank you Lord, for the ultimate gift.

Thanks

2008-11-29T06:23:00.000-08:00

It has been a wonderful week of thanks and my heart is overflowing with gratitude for so many things. If I were to list my blessings I think I would be embarrassed at the abundance of them, especially when there is so much pain and want in the world. But I know I am blessed.

Lord, in this busy holiday season help me to remember those less fortunate than I. Help me to think about the child that has nothing when I am wrapping gifts for my grandchildren. Help me to remember the thousands that go to bed hungry when I am socializing with friends around tables of abundance. And help me to remember those who are serving in our military when I am enjoying my family all around me. Lord, please make me always mindful of those who are not as fortunate as I.

And thank you Lord for the things I have. I know I am not worthy.

Season of thanks

2008-11-25T04:32:00.001-08:00

Dear Lord in this season of thanks please help me remember that I have things to be thankful for all year. Let me always have a grateful heart for my many blessings. Don't allow me to be distracted by the little things that tend to get me down but help me to always stay focused on the larger picture: my family, my friends, my community.

Thank you for the roof over my head, despite the leaky moments! Thank you for a wonderful family regardless of the trials that go along with that blessing! Thank you for a church that embraces me and teaches me and guides me, even when it also frustrates me. And thank you for your constant presence in my life. May I never fail to recognize it, even when so many other things are clamoring for my attention.

Thank you this time which reminds us to remember to give thanks...

Feeling low

2008-11-15T05:21:00.001-08:00

Dear God please give me the energy I need to get through yet another day when I feel so lousy! It's that in-between kind of sick that is so hard to deal with: well enough to get out of bed and function but not well enough to enjoy doing it.

Mostly Lord, remind me that there are millions of people in the world who get up every day feeling lousy. There are people who will never feel good, who may have chronic pain, who are suffering physically as well as mentally for so many different reasons. Help me to remember those people, to pray for those people, and to be loving and kind to those people when I have contact with them, which I often do. Don't let me look past them and ignore their suffering, but rather offer a kind word or a helping hand.

And most of all, may I never take my own good health for granted. My feeling "not-so-great" reminds me how wonderful it is to feel really good the rest of the time.