Helpless

Sometimes the most difficult times are the ones where we have no choices. Lord, what do we do when there's nothing to be done?

Watching people die, seeing loved ones suffer, observing things that can only turn out badly - God how  are we supposed to help? What are we supposed to do when there is nothing to do?

I think it's those times that are the most frustrating God. I want to help. I want to intervene. I want to say the right thing. And I can't do anything.

Dear God help me to deal with not being able to deal.

Beauty all around

There is something about the autumn God. There is something about the beauty in the leaves and the crisp fresh air. I feel renewed and I feel alive in the autumn.

How is it that you created a world where death can be so beautiful? I think this was a not-so-well hidden message, wasn't it Lord? We are people who need visual lessons and we need to see things in ways we can comprehend. Perhaps that death can be beautiful and is not the end, but only a process leading to a new beginning.  I see it in the fall God. And your creation tells the story.

Everywhere I look you are God. In the golds, reds, and yellows of the leaves. And in the glory of the season where we prepare for the dark and cold of winter, only to re-emerge in the joy of another spring.

Your creation teaches us if only we are willing to learn from it.

Peace

"Be at peace with all men". That's something my mother used to quote from the Bible all the time. So I have tried to live that God. And I wonder, how is it exactly we're supposed to do that?

I mean, we can do all the good things in the world, and one person can come along and lie about you, or try to cheat you, or do any one of a number of things....none of which are deserved...so how are we supposed to keep peace with them exactly? How is it possible to keep peace with someone who wants to be at war?

Its an age old dilemma. Some people want war. Some people don't want to be at peace with anyone. And we're told to be at peace with them.

Some things are really hard to understand God...

People

Dear God your people exasperate me! Why is it that people - humans created in your image - can be so toxic? I see them being divisive and evil! I cringe when they cause strife and stress among others. It saddens me when a single one can become the agent for discourse and heartache for many others.

Why is this God? Why are we such horrible creatures? How can beings that are yours, and especially ones who claim your grace, be so? I seek to know Lord. I need your wisdom God. I need to see how we can overcome and prevail. I know....with your strength we can do all things. But why should we have to? Why can't you just keep your children under more control?

Oh well. I suppose we can only look forward to the day that evil is vanquished. I long for it now God, when people are such a discouraging factor in life. Even so Lord, come!

Night

Another sleepless night Lord. Another nights of prayer and thought, worry and fear, tossing and turning. They are such long nights Lord!

I wonder sometimes if you want to speak to me in the dark for a reason God. Is this the best time for me to listen? Am I less distracted, more in tune, ready to listen? Is it only because my mind can grab hold of whatever it is and mull it over in peace? I don't know the reason, but I do know some of my most heartfelt yearnings come to light when I talk with you in the darkest part of the night. And as tired as I am the next day, I'm grateful for the time with you.

I'll be tired today Lord. I'll be longing for sleep by this afternoon and I hope tonight you grant it. But I'm grateful for the time we spent together last night and empowered by the spiritual awakening.

Earth love

I am so in love with your creation God. This earth, our home, continues to define the word "awe" for me and I never fail to gasp a little when I come upon some of the beauty all around me.

This season is especially beautiful. The recent full moon, coming up as though out of the ocean as brightly orange colored as though it had been a piece of fruit, moving almost fast enough for the naked eye to observe, and then showing all its glory as it shone bright white in the night sky, sending glittery reflections across the water in a shimmer of diamond dust.

And today, this early morning as the sun rose and the air felt crisp and clean, I watched in amazement as the light crept across the open field and turned the dawn into the day.

This may only be my temporary home Lord, but I am grateful that you have made it as perfect and lovely as possible. I can only imagine what you have in store for the second act!

Heartache

Lord sometimes my heart aches with the burden of relationships. They are hard to maintain and we humans are fragile beings! Love is not always enough to keep us from hurting one another or being hurt ourselves. And the more we love the more painful it is. And yet you tell us to love! And you show us love! And you want us to open our hearts to others. That means being open to pain. I so resist that Lord!

Dear God give me the wisdom I need to be the person who heals and secures relationships, not the one who harms them. Help me know what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and most importantly when to say nothing at all. These are the hard things Lord!

And when there is damage done, Lord give me the humility to accept the consequences, the grace to do whatever it takes to heal, despite my own hurt, and the satisfaction of knowing I did my best. And may those I love strive for the same.